Baby Steps
by JLCH
Summary: House and Cuddy come to some realizations about themselves and each other. Takes place a few hours after Cuddy leaves House's office after thanking him for the injections in "Who's Your Daddy?"


**A/N:** This one-shot is for Iane Casey who is celebrating her birthday today. She made a promise that if a few folks wrote one-shots, she'd write a new chapter of Absence.

* * *

_"I don't care if you marry this guy, date this guy, go through his garbage, _

_but you should know. Genes matter. Who you are matters. Find somebody you trust."_

_"Someone like you?"_

_"Someone you like."_

Cuddy sat at her desk Friday evening going through personnel reviews. The only light in her office was the lamp on her desk. She rubbed her eyes because she was tired and there was a lot going through her mind. She couldn't concentrate on her work after her earlier conversations with House, both in the exam room and his office. She had actually considered the idea of asking House to be her sperm donor but she worried he would mock her and then turn her down. She received enough shit from him on a daily basis, but this…she couldn't take the chance, it would hurt too much. She liked House, in fact, she_ loved_ him, she always had, but the walls they built between one another over the years seemed to make it more and more unlikely they could ever progress to something more than what they were now. Sure, she dated other guys, which never lasted long thanks to House's intrusions, but secretly she was glad he'd saved her from them because she was certain they wouldn't last. She made House think she was angry but she knew deep down inside, he did it because he cared. She had a feeling he was a little possessive of her and while other women might have found it creepy, she found it romantic. How often she dreamed that she could finally find a way to get through to him and let him know how she felt, but the fear of rejection held her back.

Cuddy looked at the clock, it was nine-thirty and she realized she hadn't even eaten dinner yet. _I'll work a bit longer, it's not like I have anyone waiting for me_, she thought to herself. Most nights she worked late, she didn't get home until around ten o'clock and by then it was too late to eat anything. Such was the life for a lonely single woman and she was used to it, though she hated every moment of it. She sighed and continued reading the reviews.

* * *

House sat in his office alone, his fellows had already left for the evening after solving the case. He was bored but not ready to go home yet. Though he was a man who enjoyed his solitude, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. There were times he wished he had someone at home waiting for him. He smirked thinking that the people who knew him would laugh if they knew his thoughts. He didn't give a damn what anyone thought about him but there were times he wanted to shout in their faces, _You don't have a fucking clue!_ The only people who really knew him were his mother, Wilson and Cuddy.

_Cuddy._

Now, she was a_ real_ woman, everything a man could want and more. He'd loved her since he first met her in college. Oh, he'd loved Stacy too, very much, and he was committed to her while they were together but from time to time, he thought of the brilliant, vibrant, and beautiful young med student with the curls and the gorgeous blue eyes and wondered what she was doing. After he and Stacy broke up, he was in a bad place, he hated everyone and everything and while he enjoyed the banter he shared with Cuddy and found her even more beautiful than when he'd first met her, he was convinced he could never be right for her. He was certain Cuddy needed the kind of man who was as energetic, easygoing and vibrant as her. He told himself there was no place for a depressed, misanthropic, cripple in her life. For a long time that's how House felt, he was no good for her and she was too good for him. The thing was, he had noticed a slight change in their relationship over the last year. Even though they argued just as much as ever, they shared more smiles, flirtatious banter and sexual innuendos. He saw a side to her he'd never seen before when she decided she wanted to have a baby. He was so used to Cuddy, the _administrator_, that he actually couldn't picture her as a _mother. _ House had often wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with her, and lately since she'd been talking of wanting to have a baby, he wondered what it would be like to have a child with her. Of course, he kept those thoughts to himself, he knew he could never share them with Wilson or anyone else. He couldn't bear the thought of being mocked or worse, being rejected by her.

Until this evening House was convinced Cuddy would never want him but then she'd entered his office and thanked him for the injections and just as he expected her to say something else, possibly to ask him something, she clammed up. Inside he was disappointed because he'd hoped she would ask him to be her donor. As scared to death as he was at the thought of him ever procreating, the only woman he'd ever do it with was Lisa Cuddy. He imagined the brains and good looks of their offspring and it made him smile. If it were a little girl he'd want her to have long curly raven hair and blue-gray eyes like her mother and he'd want her to be strong-willed, stubborn, and smart. If it were a boy he'd want a strong athletic son who had the courage to stand up against bullies and fight for those who couldn't fight for themselves. He'd want him to be curious and intelligent and persistent. He would teach his son that it was okay to be kind and compassionate, that he didn't have to hide it. House figured it was too late for him to learn those things but if he had a son...he'd do everything for that boy that his father never did for him.

_A son._ House couldn't help the smile that came to his face when he thought those words.

Suddenly, he stopped throwing the ball against the wall and placed it on his desk. He was on a mission; there was something he had to do. _The hell with fear of rejection,_ he thought to himself. There was a woman downstairs who he loved and cared for very deeply and if he could be there for her and do something for her to change her life as she had done many times for him, he wanted to do it. He limped through the hospital with a new sense of purpose and before he knew it he was standing at the nurses' station outside the clinic looking in her office. It was dimly lit, except for the lamp on her desk. She rubbed her eyes and he could tell she was tired. He guessed that like him, she was just avoiding going home to the usual empty house. He took a deep breath and entered her office doors.

* * *

"House, you're still here?" She asked putting down the file she was reading as he entered her office.

"Yeah, I could say the same about you."

"Well I had more annual evaluations to review."

"You could do that tomorrow."

"Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today?"

"Yeah, yeah, you and I both know the truth." He stood there in front of her desk, leaning on his cane looking at the ground.

"And that is…?" She asked leaning back in her chair and looking at him curiously.

"You're here for the same reasons I'm here." He let out a deep breath; this was going to be hard.

"You've got my curiosity piqued."

House's leg hurt and he moved forward and took a seat in the chair in front of her desk. He took a deep breath. He thought,_ If I'm ever going to do this it has to be now._

"Cuddy, I'm an ass." He saw the mock look of surprise on her face but she stayed silent. "But you've known me for so long and…" he paused, licking his lips for a moment then continuing, "You know I wasn't always like this."

Cuddy laughed. "House, you were _always_ an ass." Her face turned serious as she continued in a softer voice, "Things changed, especially after the…infarction and Stacy...and I know why. For starters, you're in pain, you're angry and you think you don't deserve to be happy."

"I don't."

"You _do_. I would not lie to you, not about this, you have so many good qualities, and despite all the shit you do to people, you are a good person." He looked up at her to see if she meant it, the look on her face indicated she was totally serious. "I wish I knew how to help you. I'm so sorry about everything."

"I don't need your pity."

She laughed out loud. "Seriously? You think I pity you? What planet are you on? I have _never_ pitied you, I would _never_ pity you." She got up from her desk, walked around it and stood in front of him leaning back on it. "Yeah you're an ass but you know what? Big deal. Nobody's perfect. You've got a lot of great qualities. You're intelligent, observant, funny, witty…you're a great musician, and you know what? You care." She put her hands up to stop him from interrupting. "Before you say it…shut up. You _do_ care, especially about those kids you treat. Yeah, you like the puzzles but you care about your patients, I've seen it with my own eyes. "House," she said as she leaned forward and put her hand on his shoulder, her touch sending a jolt of electricity through him. "You _are_ a good person, I don't care what shit you say about yourself."

"You're delusional."

"And you're an ass, as you just reminded me." She smirked. "Now why are you here?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest.

He twirled his cane and looked up at her. "Cuddy…you've done a lot for me…and I really did a shitty job of showing my appreciation."

She took a seat in the chair beside him and turned it so she could look right at him. "Well yeah there is that."

"I've got a chance to do something for you."

Cuddy's heart jumped in her chest.

"I don't like the idea of you going to some random donor to have a kid. It's just not…not right. You can do better and think about the kid, I mean, what are you going to tell him when he's older?"

"I'd tell him the truth."

"What? That you were lonely and couldn't find a man so you decided to use a turkey baster instead?"

"House!"

House saw he'd hurt her feelings which was not what he intended. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just mean…genes _do_ matter Cuddy, they do. Your kid should know about his background, his family heritage, where he gets his likes and dislikes from, where he learned to play the piano—" He stopped, realizing what he'd just said.

_"Piano?"_

They just looked at one another.

"House? Are you…saying what I think you're saying?"

_Oh shit, this is it_, he thought. House was nervous, it was obvious from the way he bounced his cane on the floor and wouldn't look at her.

"House? Please talk to me."

He looked up at her with every ounce of courage he had and said, "Let me be your donor."

Cuddy leaned back in the chair and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Wow," she said.

House chuckled. "Yeah, wow is right."

"House you've never wanted kids."

"Not with anyone else, but you Cuddy…you'd make a great mom and it's my way of doing something for you, something that can change your life…and…maybe _mine_."

_"Yours?"_ She asked, confused about his meaning.

"I'm fucking tired of everything. I know my leg is going to hurt me for the rest of my life but I'm sick of it running my life. I'm sick of going home alone to nobody and nothing. I'm sick of my wildest dates being a hooker with one leg or beating _again_ Wilson at poker." He looked up when Cuddy let out a chuckle, but he continued. "I'm screwed up, I know I am and I hate my life, but there's got to be something else besides this. If this is all there is…I'm fucked."

Cuddy felt the tears in her eyes but refused to let them fall. She didn't want House to mistake them for pity.

She looked up at him and asked softly, "House, do you like me?"

"I like the girls," he said nodding towards her breasts.

_"House."_

"Yeah…I like you."

Cuddy leaned forward and touched his left knee. She looked up at him staring him right in the eyes. "I like you too, House."

House was shocked at her admission. "I thought…I thought you hated me."

"Oh God no, I've never hated you though I've come close. The thing is House, there's something about you; there's always been something about you that draws me to you. I can't explain it; I don't want to explain it, I just…I just like it. You're an amazing man. You're handsome and brilliant and sexy and...you can read me like a book. You've been a part of my life for a long time; I can't imagine my life without you in it."

"I've done some pretty crappy things."

"And you will do more crappy things. But...what do you want in this? I mean are you doing this as a _favor_? Do you want something _more_? I need to know."

"I want as much as you will let me have."

"Oh no, don't you dare do that, don't lay it on me. You need to know what _you_ want."

"I want…_you_."

"Me?" She sat back in her chair, appearing shocked at his admission.

"Do you see anyone else in the room?"

"I'm sorry I'm just a little overwhelmed." She got up and walked over to the bookcase in her office and she ran her hand down the spines of a few of the old college textbooks there.

He got up and followed her. "Cuddy, I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't mean to, I can leave if you want." He turned to walk away.

"No! House, please…don't go."

"What do _you_ want Cuddy?"

She smiled a little at his use of her words against her. "I don't know," she said sadly.

"I think you do but if you really think you don't, then I can't help you. I'm_ trying_ here. You know how I feel about people changing, they don't, but I'm willing to try and do better in whatever way I can."

"You'd do that for me?"

"I'm tired and I'm alone and I'm in pain all the time. I'm sick of it. I don't know how to change but I'm pretty sure that if I don't, I'll die miserable. I used to think that was okay but now…"

She turned around and faced him. "House, I don't want you to die."

"You know I will someday," he said joking.

"Please, don't go there. When you were shot, it hurt so much."

House was surprised that it had affected her that way. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"For the same goddamn reason you never tell me anything. I'm scared House, scared that you'll take any opportunity to use what I say against me to make fun of me or…."

"Reject you?"

"How did you know?"

"Instinct."

"You felt the same way too? You've been afraid of me? That I'd reject you? How could you ever think that?"

"Cuddy, you're amazing, you could have any guy you want. You have no business with a guy like me."

She moved closer to him and put her hands on his chest. "House, how little you know me."

"What's that mean?"

"I've loved you since college. Even when I dated other guys and thought I loved them, I kept comparing them to you. Even with all your faults, which you are so eager to point out, none of them compared. I gave up when you left me at Michigan and then I knew I didn't have a chance when you were with Stacy, and then after you broke up you were so angry about your leg and… you pushed me away. I never thought it would ever work."

"Do you think it could?"

"I don't know, I just know I don't want to try and make it work with _anyone else_."

He pulled her closer. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied softly as House pulled her to him and kissed her for the first time since college. His heart jumped at the feel of their lips together and tears came to her eyes as they kissed. Neither of them ever thought this would ever happen again. He parted her lips with his tongue and she gave him access. Cuddy's arms were around his neck, her hands in his hair and House's arms were around her waist, his hands feeling up her bare back under her shirt, pulling her to him. Finally they broke apart.

"Oh my God," Cuddy said, her eyes were full of tears, her lips swollen and her face flushed. She was breathing hard.

"Wow," House replied. He brushed a tear away with the pad of his thumb. "Why are you crying?"

"I never…thought…" she stopped as he pulled her to him and hugged her tightly.

"Cuddy I'm so sorry for all the shit."

"I know."

They held each other a long time. House's leg began to ache and she led him over to the couch where they sat with her head resting on his shoulder.

"House?"

"Hmm?"

"What about...the Vicodin?"

"What about it?"

"I hate that you have to take it. I worry for your health, your liver…I mean...I want you around...I _need_ you."

He heard the plea in her voice. "Cuddy, Vicodin helps my pain. He felt Cuddy start to pull away but he held her close to him. "After the infarction I tried some other things, they didn't help, then after the ketamine, it hurt so much when it failed, I couldn't bear the thought of going through that again. "

"We can keep trying other methods right?"

"I just don't want to get my hopes up."

"We'll do everything; try every combination until we find what at least alleviates it _some_…how's that?"

"You'd do that for me?"

"I'd do it _with_ you."

"Cuddy, I've been screwed up my whole life, there's so much shit there nobody knows about. How can you be sure you want this?"

"House do you seriously think you're the only one with shit from the past? We all have stuff that stays with us, some worse than others. You've used your pain from your past and your leg to make excuses for not living. You can stop now. You can live; you can find something that makes you happy. You can have more than this job, your Vicodin, your hookers and your poker games with Wilson."

"You forgot harassing you…don't forget it's one of my favorite pastimes."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, that _too_."

"Cuddy you need to be sure, because…if I do this again…if you decide tomorrow or the next day…that you don't want this…I can't go through that again."

"I am sure." She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips. "We've known each other so long; it's time to just be honest...I love you."

House swallowed hard. Holding her face in his hands, he said, "I love you too."

He pulled Cuddy to him tightly just holding her for what seemed an eternity. He could hear sobbing softly against his chest and he ran his arms up and down her back to comfort her. Finally, she relaxed and they broke apart. Suddenly, they both heard a loud rumble from her stomach.

"Uhh...is there something you want to tell me? He asked with a smirk.

"I haven't eaten since lunch. Wanna grab something?"

"Are you sure you want to be seen with me?" He asked getting up and extending his hand to help her up as well.

"Might as well start now," she said. She walked over to turn off her computer as he grabbed her jacket.

"Ready?" He asked, holding her jacket for her as she slid her arms into it.

"Yeah, let's hit an all night diner, we have lots to discuss."

"Can't stay out too late, we have to work tomorrow. My bitchy boss hates it when I'm late."

She turned to him and straightened the collar on his shirt. "Well, for once your bitchy boss will just have to deal with it." She turned around and headed for the door, adding a sway in her hips just for him.

"Lead on evil temptress, _lead on_," he said watching her ass as he followed her out.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed. Took me about an hour to write this. I'm not a one-shot person but Iane deserved this after all the great fics she's given us!

:) Jess


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